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On My Mind Lately.

Raimo and I have been very blessed over the past two years since he’s been working with Pfizer. It is definitely the biggest financial blessing we have experienced. And we consider the job to be just that: a blessing. Finding the right job after college was a long process, and it was stressful and took a lot of trial and error, and time and faith, especially since we chose to have our first child before we even had the money to really support ourselves. So we finally found ourselves in a position where we had some decent income, good benefits including health care to support our growing family, and opportunities to start saving for retirement and the future. Not to mention, the job was located in North County San Diego and before even knowing anything about the various cities in the area we randomly chose to live in Carlsbad, colloquially known as “village by the sea.” And there couldn’t be many places in the world more beautiful or more lovely to raise a family, especially for this summer-lovin Californian-at-heart kind of girl. So we’ve spent our two years enjoying the warm climate and sunsets over the ocean, eating our fill of fish tacos and filling our bathtub plumbing with way too much sand.

But lately I’ve found myself a little unsettled. We usually move at this point. Until now we never had a chance to really settle into a congregation at church or to establish ourselves with friends in a particular city. And we have definitely started to do that now. We have made the most of our time in a two bedroom condo… it’s a sizable one, which made it relatively easy. But now our children are growing and I’m beginning to think about child number three… and is it fair to squeeze so many children into one bedroom… and can we really afford another anyway… and is it really going to be my fate to always be carrying children and groceries and car seats up and down stairs to the car and back in true apartment-style living? I feel like we have done a good job of keeping our blessings in mind and staying positive about our wonderful life, but I am feeling antsy, like something new should be happening here. It feels like we will never have a big enough down-payment for a house, never have enough income to really feel like I can buy as many groceries as I want. After being married for seven years, it’s getting old! I was talking about it with someone today, and I off-handedly said, “We’ve been poor our whole marriage,” and she pointed out, “But the thing is, you’re not poor. Raimo has a really great job.” And she’s right–it just feels like we still are because we live in an expensive area. All of this being said, I am not complaining. I guess it’s just helpful to write it all out and talk myself through things sometimes. I a woman of action, so I’m thinking of things we could be doing to move our family to the next step so we don’t always feel so strapped.

Some ideas:

1.) I  could find some kind of part-time job that won’t take too much time away from the kids. I’ve done it before–and it’s usually not very enjoyable, but a little extra to save for a house ( let’s be honest, it would probably go straight to paying for preschool which starts in two weeks. But that would be helpful).
2.) We take a new direction with Raimo’s career–look for positions in other locations where we could get more for our buck, or try to find something that would be more lucrative faster (Not a likely option because I don’t think either of us really wants to)

3.) As Raimo often suggests, one of us become a highly successful super star and we start rolling in the dough (also not likely)

4.) Consider that a move to a new location is inevitable anyway due to the nature of his job, and not buy a house because we may have to move soon (always a possibility)

5.) We continue on where we are, look for the best in things, and make the most of being renters until we have more money saved up (also a more likely scenario)

Every so often, Pfizer gives us a big fat check with a bonus on it. We’ve used them to build up our savings and pay off debt. No credit card debt! Almost no car payment! After a few more of those, we’ll be in better shape to start looking to buy (but it will definitely not be enough for a house or anything with a yard. A condo or town home is looking more likely.) I have been feeling a bit confused as to what to do next. But I guess whatever we decide, the key is just moving forward with faith. I think I’m just getting impatient, and maybe a little ungrateful. A garage, yard, and third bedroom are just a few really USEFUL things I think about having!

I think for now it would be nice to focus on just doing a few things here and there to spruce up the home we do have. I think I haven’t been trying very hard lately because I keep hoping we’ll move to a home that is actually OURS where I can paint and do more permanent stuff. I don’t move very fast or spend very much, but we really could use a few new things here and there. Maybe I should get a job at World Market haha. (No.) There are a few things I’ve updated lately that I really like.

I installed these shelves and dark curtains in the kids room that have corralled the toys and gotten the kids to sleep in a bit later. I was worried about going with grey curtains instead of white, but it really doesn’t darken the room when they’re open, and they have a really nice look and texture to them.

Another thing I’ve always really liked about our place is the way the kitchen nook looks from the family room. It has a really big window that lets light come in all day long, and I feel like I’ve got a handle on the colors and it has a cohesiveness (which is lacking in the family room and our bedroom!)

The best thing about my house though is what’s inside it:

I also sewed these curtains for my favorite nook–they have flowers and are super girly and pretty 🙂

 I also finally got a white duvet cover and a couple extra pillows for our bed which make the bed look a little better. Still need a headboard or something. Raimo also gifted me a cowhide rug for my birthday this year that I had been eyeing for a long long time, so that’s nice. It’s just now starting to get really soft under our feet!

Next step, get rid of enormous ugly speakers that we really don’t need anymore, and possibly do a little couch shopping. Oh, and snuggle with Finn more. Because why not?!?!

Just look at him! Gah! He is turning 18 months tomorrow and I’m totally sad about it. I can’t believe it! He was in the 4th percentile for height today, 8th for weight, and 89th for his big head! Anyway, we live a blessed life. I realize to some people, these are “rich people” problems… always wishing for more stuff and to own more things, never happy with what we have. We are rich in many ways and I am grateful. Maybe you can identify with me on this.

We just keep having babies and they have needs!!! Oh, I want more babies! Rose always tells me to have babies–3 girls babies and 3 boy babies. Happily!

2 thoughts on “On My Mind Lately.

  1. Hey Jessica! I often feel the same way, so just know that you aren't alone. We have lived below the poverty line all through our marriage and it can be really hard to not be depressed about it. Especially when many of our other friends are remodeling their houses. I wish I had their problems! But as for advice, just keep praying that you will be directed to the best place for your family, and for you to help others. It can be really hard waiting for things to change, but it is always worth it in the end.

    Like

  2. Hey Jessica! I often feel the same way, so just know that you aren't alone. We have lived below the poverty line all through our marriage and it can be really hard to not be depressed about it. Especially when many of our other friends are remodeling their houses. I wish I had their problems! But as for advice, just keep praying that you will be directed to the best place for your family, and for you to help others. It can be really hard waiting for things to change, but it is always worth it in the end.

    Like

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