We lay in bed with only feet touching, bodies and hearts far apart. But refusing to release that one connection. Saying I’m still here.
Not every moment has been lovely or romantic as I’d hoped it would be. In fact, sometimes it’s been downright dark and difficult. But they said as long as you can still think back fondly on memories you share together, you have a pretty good shot at happiness.
Remember the rainy night when everyone else was asleep, and you gave me a locket with our pictures inside?
Remember the time we hit the middle divider on the freeway and we held hands the whole time? Because I got scared and my hand squeezed instead of letting go?
Remember being engaged, and being the only ones in the whole world who knew about it? We went out to dinner- probably one of the happiest hours of our lives.
Remember poetry on the mountain in a cloud?
Remember dancing every day? And fighting about dancing every day? Really, I can’t think of an angrier time.
Remember the excitement of competitions and costumes? I’ll put fake tanner on you if you’ll put it in me. And how we spent hours of our lives gelling back your hair.
Do you remember how small our first apartment was? Do you really?? Remember how the sinks didn’t have stoppers? I always held my left fingers tight so I wouldn’t lose my wedding ring down the drain.
Remember moving 6 times in 6 years? I’m trying to forget.
Remember the summer when Rose was born, how green it was? And how happy we were? There were big beautiful old trees on our street and we would walk to the duck pond. And air conditioning for days! Bliss!
Remember after Finn was born how tired and sick we all were? And how we would kind of laugh deleriously when something was slightly funny? And how then we would keep laughing like idiots because we were so tired?
Remember bouncing Rose by the dryer? In the dark bathroom with the fan? Remember how she liked when you hummed the Star Wars song?
Remember when we hot tubbed all. night. And stopped at the grocery store on the way home in the morning.
Remember when my roommates were out of town for Christmas break? Yeah… Good times.
Remember how good it felt dancing at our reception on the boat, a slight breeze blowing in, and beautiful blue water all around?
Remember getting married and how we cried all through the ceremony?
Remember living with your parents? And also living with mine?
Remember BYU? Wasn’t it awesome?
Remember when I didn’t know you were lactose intolerant? Haha. And how my favorite food is ice cream?
Remember freezing in the Honda going to team at 5 and 6 am?
Remember how 7 years felt like a really long time but also really fast?
Remember long sad nights of disagreements? Or worse, long nights of silence and indifference?
Remember when you held me in my darkest hours and helped see me through it even though I was not being nice to you?
Remember how we crept into the children’s room to look at them and smell them?
Remember how we had dance parties in the family room with our kids and how their magic laughter made us so happy?
Remember how we used to have a tiny double bed and didn’t really mind it… Until it got old after 5 years and a king was just suddenly so necessary?
Remember how we used to say I love you all the time?
Remember how I still love you?