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My babies

Today my dear friend Lindsey was kind enough to have Rose for a play date so I could get some rest with baby Finn. I took full advantage. Though I wasn’t able to fall asleep, I was able to lay down with him for a good long time and rest up from the long nights of the past few weeks. I have had so many people serving me this month. We had lots of meals brought over, people offering to take Rose, and people genuinely loving and caring for us. What a change from Rose’s birth when we didn’t have a ward family supporting us. I think delivery is pretty traumatic! It takes a pretty long time for me to feel like myself again, especially with breast infections and a cold and breastfeeding issues and some other unmentionable pains. After I picked up Rose, the three of us went to the beach. I felt like I needed to see the ocean. Sometimes I just feel that way. I like to stop by or drive by just to enjoy the sounds, the colors, the waves, and to do some thinking. Plus, it is Finn’s one month mark today, and I thought it would be fun to show him the ocean. He didn’t see much.

The sound of the waves basically put him into a coma, and he slept the whole time under a blanket (it was a really windy evening). 

Rose was delighted. She didn’t want to leave.
We sat there for over an hour, and I felt happy. It fills something in me. 
I can’t believe my sweet baby is already four weeks old. He is very good natured and handsome! He loves breastfeeding so much and is growing much quicker than Rose. I really love his dimples and his sweet smiles when he’s dreaming.

Rose is having fun with him- she likes to talk to him, fetch diapers and binkies, watch me change his diapers and clothes, and occasionally asks to hold him. 
Finn is fun in the mornings, after he’s eaten of course. He will lay on the floor and look around. 

I love his hair! and his cute faces! His eyes are already quite blue. 

Life with these two is pretty insane. I can’t do much other than feed Finn for hours, feed Rose in between, maybe bathe them and change diapers, and play with Rose/entertain both of them. There is no more me-time. It can be pretty tiring, and I’m sure it will take an emotional toll long term, feeling like I’m not an individual person anymore with personal growth or successes, etc. However, there are these occasional golden hours of the day when I find myself very happy playing  on the floor or rocking my baby and I am so grateful these particular babies are mine and that I get to spend all my time with them.

There was a story yesterday that reminded me just how lucky I am to have a happy healthy new baby. I was already pretty enamored with him, but I was reminded that I get to enjoy him- not get distracted or focused on silly things. I am allowed to let things slide and just hold him and smell him and snuggle him.
That was one of my New Years resolutions: to just let my babies come first. I have a hard time saying no to other obligations, fun things, service opportunities, assignments, play dates, and such. But I want to be better at assessing their needs and just letting them dictate what I choose to do. 
Love them

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